Just turned 4 years old as a Christian.. on 10th Aug 2007..


These 4 years is really an amazing journey with God...=)


10th Aug 2003.. at the moment when I lift up my hand at the 'Finding Marlin' service, though touched, but din think too much about the decision.. anyway, I thought at that point of time, I can just leave anytime I want..just give Him a try, I will not lose anything...Did not imagine that I can 'last' for so long as a Christian , ha even my parents when I told them of my decision then, they thought nothing of it, told me that it will be a few mths before i get bored of it.. which though i denied it, but i think there's a high possibility of that happening..=P


Find it hard to believe in Him initially, even after I had received Him into my life.. n it's a really big change in my life.. living in a community, not very used to it... tried ways and means to try to escape haha.. think of excuses (oops sorry) to not go cg, service.. meet up but thank God for ppl ard who did not give up meeting me.. =P


Tried testing God.. prayed funny prayers.. like when I am tired on the train, keep dozing off, asked God to help me stay awake.. n it worked.. but not convinced though, thought that it was a 'psychological' effect.. When praying, asked God to show me a star.. if the prayer were to be answered.. n true enough, whenever i pray n see a star, the prayer was answered.. haha bible said 'do not put the Lord, your God to the test' , yet God did all He can to strengthen my very young faith.. verses that popped out when I read the bible simply pierced right into my heart, the secret thoughts that I am habouring or the worries I have, God knows it all..
There are a few times when I was really upset, disappointed.. God reminded me of His presence and His covenant with me with a rainbow in the sky.. simply amazed..


Amazed at the efforts He took to preserve my heart, to grow my relationship with Him..His love for me though I am just a nobody , not especially gifted or anything..


Many times, am so stubborn, simply wanting to take things into my own hands.. taking Him for granted..


Bcos of Him, tried things I never thought of doing.. though each time He asked me to do it , was with great reluctance, but looking at it retrospectively, just am so grateful how He used me in my weaknesses and helped me grow..


Grateful for Him for blessing my life, with my family, close friends..., grateful to Him for being with me through difficult moments in my life...assuring me that He is in control..


Now almost 3 months since I started working, think adjusting to some new 'thorns' of life.. like finance, personal goal etc...dun have a clear sense of direction and what I want to do.. though He had shown me before that He is in control, I still have my resistances and struggles.. then wrking makes it even easier to be distracted from Him..


Decided to type down this post.. maybe to serve as a reminder to myself how good God has been to me since the day I had known Him.. I have quite short term memory now =P..


(Listening to Corinne May's song, 5 loaves and 2 fishes..)


I pray that in the coming year.. God will help me grow my heart of obedience and surrender to Him, to walk closer n not be distracted from Him... to use whatever little I have for Him.. (just like the boy of 13 who surrendered His 5 loaves n 2 fishes in the song and God just used whatever little that he has to feed the ppl)


"But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my faceI will offer up in prayer
So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"


Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small


I trust in you
I trust in you"